Silence

As the September 30th deadline approaches things are getting heated up. More bishops are being consecrated by African provinces, more talk is getting extreme. It’s getting to the point where I have slacked off following events and reading comments on blogs. However, I have been silently watching for too long – and anyone who knows me knows that it is unusual for me to be silent for long periods of time.

Some thoughts:

As much as I have respect for the episcopacy, why are bishops being consecrated. We hear of the bishops but what about the priests. It appears to me that the movement is starting in the wrong place – from the top down. Shouldn’t it be going from the ground up? Shouldn’t there be at least a solid group for the bishops to minister to? It has me very puzzled. Okay, the Africans are setting up missions in the states. From what I remember of my Canadian church history classes – the English did not send over bishops first but rather missionaries. When the need arose for a bishop on Canadian soil, one was consecrated. So why are bishops being consecrated for the States before the need for them arises? What does this say about the intent? What does this say about the motives driving this? In all honesty, to me it says nothing positive or Christian. I shall just leave it at that.

There are reports out of Africa – Nigeria to be specific – of horrible comments made by Bishop Orama of Nigeria. I think of the women and men I have the honour of knowing, especially through Integrity, and shake my head at the rhetoric. “Inhuman” – part of the irony is that not so many years ago people like the African bishop who calls gays and lesbians “inhuman” and not worthy of life were considered those very same things.

It is common that those who were oppressed take on the characteristics of the oppressors when they gain their freedom. We see this so often in the cycles of domestic abuse. We see it when nations gain their independence. And we see it in the very statements made by this African bishop. He has learned his lessons well.

But most astoundingly is the remarkable silence of certain factions of our church regarding the meaning of the statement. A fair amount has been said about the dangers of such a statement, but not much has been said about the wrongness in the meaning. This also puzzles me for I count many among my friends and colleagues who do not have the same understanding of full inclusion of my GLBT brothers and sisters and yet not one of them would ever consider calling GLBTs inhuman or not worthy of life. Why is there such a deafening silence as to the meaning of the statement from the more vocal?

I note that on Father Jake’s there have been some attempts to deflect by pointing out that nothing has ever been done to John Spong (I also note that he (John Spong) has sent a letter to Rowan Williams and I cringe.) What Spong has said or done has no bearing on what Bishop Orama of Nigeria has said. If one wants to question the lack of reining Spong in that is fine. There are times when I almost wish he could be silenced or at least that he would be far more diplomatic in his words and actions. But Bishop Spong has nothing to do with what Bishop Orama said. It is two separate issues and need to be dealt with as two separate issues. It is not okay for Bishop Orama to say what he did just because Bishop Spong has said and done what he has said and done. To try and deflect the words of the Nigerian bishop with such an issue does not address the issue. The issue is that some very damaging statements were made that could lead to bodily harm – painful death at its worst and shunning at the least and there is significant silence from the various leaders throughout the Anglican Communion on the issue. Where is Peter Akinola? Where is Rowan Williams? Where is Katharine (sp) Jefferts Schori? Where is Fred Hiltz? Where are statements made to counteract the statements by Orama to reassure our GLBT brothers and sisters that this statement does not reflect the mind of the Communion or the various provinces?

Of course, we don’t want to make a mountain out of what we perceive as mole hills and our leaders probably believe and hope that this will blow over. But each time something like this is said, another nail pierces the hearts and souls of those being spoken about. We realize that this bishop is not speaking the mind of the majority of the Communion but more noticeable than his words is the silence greeting them. There has to come a time when those in leadership positions stand up and say that this has gone to far. It has happened with TEC and New West. Why is it not happening with statements such as Orama’s?

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Update:
Thoughts from blogland (Some of these are thanks to Father Jake's site):
Elizabeth Keaton
Mark Harris
Anglican Scotist
Susan Russell and this
Davis Mac-Iyalla
Scott Gunn

Holidays?

I am currently on holidays. We had planned to go to BC but our Newfie needed some major surgery to fix one of her legs - to the tune of $3200. So much for going anywhere. Between the cost and recovery time, we are sticking pretty close to home. If our son will look after the dog for us for one week we may make it to a lake.

But there are wonderful things to celebrate. Molly's surgery went well and she seems to be recovery nicely. She will need at least one more operation but it shouldn't be as expensive. If nothing else, this has helped us appreciate medicare all the more. Living in Canada we often don't realize the cost of our health care.

Staying home gives me more time to organize our celebration of Mom's and Dad's 60th aniversary celebration. We decided to have it out here rather than in the city. Part of it is that our costs for hall rental and catering are not as high. The other part is that Mom can just sit back and enjoy rather than worrying about being hostess with the responsibility of housing and feeding others. That falls onto my shoulders. Because we are keeping it small, it really isn't a lot of work for me either.

I get to do a service of celebration and thanksgiving. Mom and Dad decided that they wanted to renew their vows. The request threw me as I never thought they were into that sort of thing. Dad made the comment - "Why not? This time we won't have to keep them as long." (Meaning of course that they won't make another 60 years as both of them are 80 - just in case some might think they were planning on splitting in the near future.) I found a service from the Church of England that we will use as a base with the eucharist from the BAS - Eucharistic prayer #5. I sent a copy home with them tonight to look at and get back to me with suggestions.

Mom and Dad, my sister, and my older children and their partners were out tonight to help celebrate our youngest's birthday. Although I was not happy to discover I was pregnant over twelve years ago, I frequently give thanks for our youngest. He has taught me so much about life and about myself. He lives life very earnestly but celebrates each and every moment. He has taught me to do so myself and for someone who is prone to depression this is a real gift. I pray that he will never lose this himself as he grows older and begins to face the struggles and complications that come with maturity.

As I think of it, each of my children has given me so much. My oldest has taught me how to be a better parent (we went through a very rough 15th year with him). My second has taught me much about myself as she has a number of my traits. This has taught me how to celebrate the person I am. The third has helped me understand my more spiritual side. She has inner strengths and insights that never fail to amaze me. And my youngest as mentioned above.

I also give thanks for my husband. I often say that I may be his curse but he is very definitely my blessing. He has stuck with me and supported me through some pretty major changes.

So truly, life is blessed and I give thanks to God for all these blessings. Not being constantly on the go has given me time to reflect on these blessings, so I also give thanks for this time of relative quiet.

One last thing to celebrate. By the time this weekend comes, my house will be clean and I won't have to do fall cleaning in October. Or at least, I won't have to fall cleaning in the rectory. I will have to do some cleaning in my husband's house but at least it will only be the one house.

So, maybe our holidays haven't turned out as they were planned but, on the other hand, maybe they have turned out even better.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Mussing up yet again

One of my biggest struggles at St. Paul's is our music ministry - we have very little. When I arrived, we had two organists who were members of our congregation. One has died and the other moved away. This leaves us with music students - who, let's be honest, are not always the most reliable although I really do appreciate their efforts. Often we find ourselves singing accapella. We're getting good at that but it means that we can't try too many new things.

Part of the problem is that I have been a member of a number of congregations so I find it difficult to remember which hymns are the ones St. Paul's knows and which are the ones that just my family knows. I've tried having a hymn chosing committee but this has not been successful. I've tried suggestion boxes and having various people chose the hymns but this has not seen much success either.

It leaves me struggling to arrange the music, always conscious of the displeasure of the people when I muss up. I think I could just about pray anything without complaint but music is almost a sacred cow. It doesn't help when I get slack about double checking tunes to familiar hymns. We sang - What a Friend We Have in Jesus. I figured I couldn't go wrong with that - everyone knows it. Well okay, everyone knows it but not to the tune that is in Common Praise. And wouldn't you just know. I never thought to check the tune when I chose the hymn. I didn't even think there could be more than one for such a old well known hymn.

Ohh boy. Apology time again. I suppose we could have looked for the tune we knew but that takes time and it's not fair to spring changes on organists at the last minute unless they are ones that know our music well. So muss up no. 1.

Actually that was muss up no. 2. The first came in the opening hymn which everyone knew. Which I thought I knew. So when the organist started before I had found it in my hymn book, I wasn't worried. I usually know the first verse of the older hymns. Unless of course, Common Praise decides to change the words. Then, as I'm trying to find the hymn and singing from memory, the congregation and I are singing different words - not a lot different but in a situation where I am required to lead the singing (which is because we have no choir) it does get a little tough.

I pray often for help in the music ministry area. I have enough basics but I would dearly love to have someone to take over responsibilty for this ministry. It takes far too much of my time. So if anyone is inspired to pray for something for my wonderful community - please pray for this.

I know there is a lot more that may be more important but at the moment this is a concern and distraction that are keeping me from those possiblty more important things - although, it is obviously very important to my people as it is the aspect of our worship that gets the most criticism. My "tweaking" of the services rarely raises an eybrow and my sermons don't often raise a comment (I wish they did, it would show that someone was listening). But something going wrong with the music is an issue. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not faulting my people on this - our music is something that obviously speaks strongly to them and I would agree on its that it speaks very strongly to the soul - more than just the spoken word).

So, if you could find a little time to say a prayer or two, I would greatly appreciate it.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

An "Old Friend" - but not too old

Deb is in Canterbury. Does she ever stop traveling?

Anyway, she has started a blog to tell of her "tale".

Oscar the Cat

I caught the tail end of this story on CTV News.

Then I saw a more detailed story linked at Episcopal Cafe.

I am a cat lover from way, way back. My godmother gave me a cat when I was 4 and I have rarely been without one since then. When we got "Leo" for the children, I would lay on the couch with him curled up beside me. It was so peaceful and relaxing to hear him purr - almost healing. I can understand how it would help to have that presence as one was dying.

I know that one of the nurses at the Long Term Care facility here has mentioned concern with the residents who die all alone. The staff does the best they can but they have other people to look after. I told her that I would be willing to come in and sit with anyone who was dying by themselves but there has been no follow up. This story about Oscar reminded me of that converstaion and I think I will bring this story up at the next vestry meeting as an introduction to a possible ministry for my sick and visiting teams.

Anyhow, this sort of thing, the specialness of animals fascinates me - especially when it involves cats.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Struggles

I have to say that since General Synod I have come closer than ever to actually doing something other than just talk. I have listened to the pain of those who have remained in the church with faith and hope of full inclusion. If it was just myself involved, I would have no problem in continuing the path I have chosen - to be a voice of possibility. But hearing the pain of those around me is becoming too much. I desparately want to reach out. Recently, I have been far closer to saying yes to doing a same sex blessing than I ever have. Not because of my own conscience, I can live with that. But believing that these blessings are so totally right, the pain of those denied is so strong.

I had given serious thought to asking the bishop to take back my marriage liscence. If I can't do blessings for same sex couples then I won't for opposite sex sort of thing. But that doesn't solve what is happening. The problem is that some wonderful people I have come to know and love are being denied something that I truly believe should not be denied (not because of social justice - but because after years of study, prayer, and talk, I firmly believe that they are already blessed by God and who are we, as humans, to continue to deny that.)

It's not necessarily that all want a blessing. It is the message that we are giving out. In denying the blessing we are saying that we do not fully accept them as the wonderful children of God that they are. We speak one thing but our actions (or lack of actions) say another.

The questions becomes, how can I affirm people's life in the faith if that faith does not fully accept them? What is there for me to say in response to their pain as they look for hope in these confused times? What can I offer them that speaks to that hope?

I continue to hold to chosen path, but it is becoming harder and harder. I am so much more aware of how wrong it is that we exclude those who are loved by God for all that they are. For me, maybe it is simpler - if it got to be too much, I can find some other space to live and answer God's call. But for those I would leave behind the options are not as easy. So far the need to stay and be a voice outweighs the need to reach out and answer the call to bless, but it is more and more of a struggle with each person to whom I listen.

I will manage and I will continue as I have been. I have wonderful support. I do have hope. I am able to work at doing some concrete things. But my heart and prayers are with those who do not have these things. If I'm struggling, I can only begin to imagine how much harder it is for them. As weak as my words and prayers are, please know that you are not alone and that you are loved for all that you are. I sincerely believe that there is hope for us all.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Past Reflections

A few things have come up recently that has me thinking about how we learn to get along in our diversity (a diversity to be celebrated rather than seen as a problem). I went back to my original posts which explain the title of this blog.



Setting It Up and "Sarah's Circle" .



These are how I understand a way forward for the church. I realize that there are some problems with the vision - these ways very much reflect my own theology and may not resonate fully with those whose theology differs. I do welcome that diversity, though.



I am happy to see that we are starting to look at the healing of relationships among us. That we are starting to look at how to come together and share in our diversity. So far, in my own personal little world this is happening in two separate spaces - one I posted about a couple of posts down and another that is also in the planning stage that I have been asked to help in setting up the way in which we can dialogue in a safe and welcoming space. I hold hope that it is may no longer be a matter of proving who is right and who is wrong but rather that our focus will be how we can live and work together as people of God. In this diocese this is both a movement from the "powers that be" and from the local clergy. I do note the lack of the grassroots in this last statement but in all honesty if my congregation is anything to go by, one of the major ways that living with diversity becomes an issue is if the priest makes it an issue, which I refuse to do and work hard to bring acceptance and respect of all healthy differences.



I do value my time at seminary and the relationships that were formed there as well as the relationships that continue as we move further away from that space. To some extent, it anchors me as learn and grow in my own ministry and the relationships with the various members of the expanded community.



My first year at seminary I was "thrown to the lions", "burned at the stake", and "tarred and feathered" but never was I "crucified" or more formally excommunicated (although this latter was mentioned). And, with the exception of the "excommunication", what was done was done with good humour and caring as we learned to live with our differences - and let's face it, I certainly relished being different and fostering those reactions. Our discussions, although at times serious and intense, always left room for the fact that we did truly care about each other. If one of us was in crisis, all would be there for them. I find that in my congregation - if one is having diffculty all are there for support and none more so than those who usually disagree. I love watching the dynamics of the different relationships, some of which amaze me because of how different the individuals are. I know that there is hope if only we can put our individual selves and our own need to be right and affirmed by all aside and start to listen and care with each other.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

I was over at An Inch at a Time. I followed her link to this Walking with Integrity. Most of what it says reflects what I feel so I just thought I would link it and let it speak for me.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Either/or

Well, it's been a couple of interesting days in blogland. On a personal level, I had lunch the other day with a wonderful person I was meeting for the first time. She is the fiance of a very good friend of mine and I was thrilled to have the chance to get to know her a little. I was also so thrilled to see the bond between my friend and her. I am looking forward to getting to know her better in the future. One of the highlights was when I discovered that she knew some of my favourite bloggers from around the New York area. It made blogland seem that much smaller.

Feminism seems the issue de jour over the last couple of days. I am not going to make any comments on the particular postings that started all the turmoil ( added after the original posting - except a rant at the end of this posting - I just couldn't keep quiet it seems) but I do see some things that cause me to stop and think.

I am a feminist. I accept that title with pride. I used to qualify it but I do so no more. I cringe each time a read a post which claims that feminists are harmful to society or a post that claims that feminists are against women who decide to stay at home to work raising their families. I chose to stay at home and raise my family until my youngest was in grade 2. I don't feel any lack in doing that. I believe it is what God called me to do. So, to claim, that I as a feminist do not support such a thing is laughable. I have a daughter who is a feminist - her desire for her life - to stay at home looking after the two children she hopes to have. I don't have a problem with that at all.

My mother wanted her daughters to have both a career and a family. For many years, one of her daughters had a career and one of her daughters had a family (although I guess I could say that my career was looking after my family). At first I felt that I was not living up to my own expectations - that I should be getting my degree and working outside my home. I finally came to peace with the way my life was (and God zapped me by calling me to the ordained ministry). With that peace, I realized that my mother had gotten what she wished for just not in the way she wanted. I also realized that it was interesting that both my sister and I realized that each of our life choices involved full time work and just how hard it would be for someone to have both a career and a family life. It's not easy to balance. I sincerely believe that God was with me through all of this, giving me the chance to be the mother I needed to be but when my family was ready, calling me into my vocation/career. Now I try to balance both as do many other women.

Where I want to go with this is to debunk the fact that a woman cannot be a feminist and support stay at home moms at the same time. It is not an either/or position. I am getting hot under the collar with the people assume, based on the words of a few, that this is something inherent to feminism.

Next rant is about the idea that feminism has harmed society. I don't even know where to start. Frustration doesn't even begin to describe what I feel when I see this old line trotted out. Harmed society - ha. Is there no understanding of how "society" has harmed women throughout the centuries. I think one of the lines I read recently was about women's ordination. It went something along the lines that the writer believed that men and women were created equal but that did not give women the inherent right to be ordained. Damn right it doesn't. It also doesn't give men the inherent right to be ordained. God calls those that God wishes to serve in this manner. None of us has the inherent right. It is God's choice and God's call. What right do we as human beings have to dispute God's call. Do people not see the harm they do in disputing women's called to ordained ministry. How can you say that we are equal and then suggest that there is something in being a woman that means you cannot participate equally if called.

The so called harm occurs in the natural adjustment to what is right with the way we are created. The so called harm occurs when we cannot open our eyes and ears to what God is trying to say to us about who and what we are - when we continue to be hidebound by many years of tradition, which is based on erroneous understandings of what it means to be human and what it means to male/female. I read how the early church fathers understood males and females and I cringe. My experience doesn't back that up at all. The Bible doesn't back that up either as far as I can see. We are suppose to weep for those who can't accept us (women) as we struggle to understand ourselves and our capabilities - as we discover there is more to us than we have been taught throughout the centuries (mainly by men but also by women). And I do weep and pray for them in their blindness and in their pain. But stopping my push toward full acceptance does not make things right. The harm that is being done is a product of what is happening as we adjust to the changes our heightened understanding brings. It is not something I would wish for but it is a part of the process as we learn to let go of misconceptions that have been fostered through our history.

It is not a world of either/or. That is a human construct. There is so much more out there. There are endless possiblities. We limit ourselves with either/or thinking. We limit what God can do with our either/or thinking. We limit our relationships with our either/or thinking. We label people as certain things and then claim that because they are that label, they must also be this and this and this. We can't see that people can be more than one set of things that there are blurring of lines or even bits and pieces taken from each of the categories we are so rigid about. We are much more than just where we stand on issues or how we do liturgy or whatever it is that we use to define ourselves. Indeed definitions result from our need for security and stability rather than reality. And those definitions are very harmful. They also can block us from forming some wonderful relationships and taking advantage of learning opportunities.

And one more rant over what is happening in various parts of blogland. A blogger made a mistake which caused harm to another blogger. The mistake was corrected when it was pointed out. Unfortunately, someone got hold of the original blog and would not let it go. The harm was perpetuated. A sincere apology was offered by the first blogger to the person who was hurt. Still there are many in blogland who will not let go. Who gave these people the right to judge and condemn. Who gave these people the right to continue the original harm being done. Those people who are not able to let go, who are calling out for blood are not following the Christ that I have come to know and love. This is not the behaviour of the Christ that hung on the cross (out of love for all of sinners) and asked, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." Those people are not following the example of the Jesus I know who when people repented of their sins, responded - go and sin no more. He did not demand that they give their blood until there was nothing left to give. For God's sake, people (and I do mean that literally) give it up. Let go and leave it to God to judge and forgive. Leave it where it truly belongs. Are you willing to go on condemning while knowing the grevious sins that you have committed over the years and for which you have asked and received forgiveness. You say the Lord's prayer every day. Do the words - forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us - mean nothing to you. Quit trying to demonize those who make you uncomfortable and please start listening to what they are really saying rather than what you want them to say so that you can categorize them in a way that makes you comfortable rather than as a child loved and forgiven by God through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Moving Forward

A few of us met today to discuss how we move forward after General Synod. We represented a variety of views on full inclusion of same sex couples and believed that there were no winners from what occurred in Winnipeg. What we also agreed on was that we need to move forward, together, with our diversity.

Let's face it. This particular diocese has had a bad rep for a number of years regarding collegiality and some of us are tired of that. We need to learn to work together as God has called us. The atmosphere of General Synod inspired a sense of what was possible here in spite of our differences. It won't be easy but we aren't starting from scratch. We're not sure where to begin but we are sure that we want to begin.

Today we met to see if each of us thought it was possible to move forward. Each of us believe it is. We do so tentatively, feeling our way. We have the summer to pray and think about possibilities. Through it all is the awareness that there are those whose lives and faith are majorally impacted by what has happened or not happened. As a group, we want those people to know that they are in our prayers. Each member of our gathering spoke about acknowledging and respecting where people are and what pain they may be experiencing as our church struggles to find its way.

On a personal level I gain hope that this is something that will be looked at with caution - proactive not reactive, but not rushing ahead without consideration. Our goal is not to change each other's minds but to find a common language with which we can learn and work together. It is our hope that if we can do this as a group, we can reach out with hope and experience to others.

Why am I part of this group? I was asked partly because of my connection with Integrity with hopes that we can build some bridges and maybe even establish some grounds for trust. I think that it helps that I have had close working relationships with another two of the members who met today. I was able to speak on behalf of Integrity over their concerns about recent events involving them and I hope that we will find a way to meet the needs of Integrity as well as respecting the concerns of others.

Do I have concerns about how this will play out? Of course I do. As do the other members. But we are taking it slow - one step at a time - trying to build our own relationships. We accept that we have much to do and it won't be accomplished overnight. We accept that we are only beginning and trust must be established first. We accept that we must start out small, working through trial and error what might be ways forward. At the moment, we are not getting into things at a deep level - we can't until trust is established. We use laughter and off topic tangents to keep it from getting to intense. We share what we are able to share, leaving many things for future meetings.

I ask your prayers for us in the coming months.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie +

I'm back

Okay, I'm back now. It was a wonderful holiday. I think the best part was spending a fair amount of time with my sister (our lives have been hectic lately and we haven't even talked much on the phone) and getting to know one of my favourite cousins again.

Sunday was an emotional time. We attended St. Thomas the Apostle in Sherwood Park. My Dad's older brother and sister attend there on a regular basis. It was pointed out how special it was to have three siblings in their 80's in attendance. It hit my sister, my cousin, and me that this might be the last time or close to the last time. My Dad's sister, who is 89, is moving out to the coast in the fall. My sister and I have determined that we will work hard to ensure that Mom and Dad can go out to the coast for her 90th but that is a year away and who knows what will happen.

It was so relaxing sitting alongside the lake at my cousin's in Vernon. Of course, the first day I got a sunburn and I had to be careful after that. And my face reacted to the sun and broke out in hives of some sort - although these are not too noticable. We accidently wandered into a wonderful little book store and I had an encounter with a psychic that was quite interesting. I found the background for my "business" cards (not in the book store but else where). My cousin in very much into Reiki and I learned a fair amount about that - at least enough to make me curious. Actually it was so wonderful seeing her looking so good and so full of energy as ten years ago (the last time I saw her) she was struggling health-wise.

And so I come home to catch up on e-mails and the news of synod. Good thing I read up on it last night as just about the first question/comment I got when I went to coffee row here was on what had happened.

So my impressions. I am pleased that Fred Hiltz is our new primate. I was in the Diocese of Edmonton Sunday and there are mixed feelings there. It was difficult for them to see +Victoria not become our next primate but there was also relief that they would not have to replace her.

The passing of the one resolution and the defeat of the other brought mixed reactions. I am pleased that those who wish me to be classified as a heretic and cast out of the church because of my support of same-sex relationships no longer have grounds for that. I am dissapointed that local option did not pass. I met +James Cowan when he was bishop in residence at Emmanuel my second year there. I quite liked him. I can respect where he is at in voting for the one resolution and against the other. When our church passes a resolution stating we can bless same-sex relationships/marriages I would really like it to be solid theological grounds clearly stated so that there is no ambiguity. (I would still have voted for the passing of both resolutions as I have no doubt as to the theological grounds for blessings as pointed out in my paper, which was presented to diocesan council). We do need to have those grounds stated clearly and consisely to lessen confusion for some of our people. Right now, I can tell my people the reasons I believe that there are no barriers to blessings and, indeed, there are solid grounds, but it would certainly help to also have a clear and concise statement from the larger church as to why it believes this to be the case, which I do not have right now. I also think the theological grounds should not be stated in defense of our position as opposed to those who do not support same-sex blessings but as a solid support of what we firmly believe God is calling us to do. We do not need to counter point for point as that does not fully encompass the grounds for blessings.

On the other hand, I think of the couples I am getting to know through Integrity and it breaks my heart to think that I cannot in good conscience (because of my vow of obedience to my bishop) bless their relationship/marriage should that be what they wish. I see such good and strength in each relationship - often way more so than in some opposite-sex relationships I know. Coming from a family with half of its members having struggled in at least one of their relationships/marriage, I am keenly aware of when God truly blesses a relationship.

I think that we have made "marriage" our idol rather than the health of the relationship in marriage. As a priest, I am mostly concerned with the health of any relationship and how it affects each partner - more than whether it is a marriage - blessed by the church or not. It is the fruits not the official status that is most telling. I am pleased with the change in the order of the purposes of marriage in the BAS as well as the direction the interpretation and understanding of Genesis 1 and 2 is taking.

So yes, the ultimate outcome of GS is ambiguous but there is a great deal of hope for the future.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Pride Parade

We had a good day today. Integrity walked with St. James in the parade. It was noticed by someone who has been to a number of Pride parades that there was a good representation of Christian groups. We walked in front of the group from the United Church (AFFIRM).

A number of people walking had to make choices as to which group they would walk with as they belonged to more than one represented at the parade. I had an interesting conversation with a total stranger. She certainly affirmed my ministry and gave me hope for the future. I hope that I was able to give something positive to her as well.

This was Saskatoon's 15th parade. Prince Albert had its first last weekend. All was relatively quiet. We received a few yells and honks of support as we marched. I didn't hear anything negative as we marched.

There were a number of local politicians in attendance at the end but I don't know if they marched. I really haven't much to say on it - other than a common bond of support seemed to break down lines and barriers to talking to strangers. At one point it was difficult to tell where the group of Anglicans ended and the group from the United Church started as our boundaries became blurred. I found that a very postiive experience.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Reflections before holidays

Edited on June 29, 2007

I am preparing to leave on a holiday with my older sister and my parents. The family has decided that Mom and Dad should not be driving long distances by themselves (something that Mom and Dad themselves have concerns over). I booked a week off way back in February and told them I would take them wherever they want to go. We’re heading out to Vernon where we have friends and relatives.

When I booked my holidays, I had forgotten about General Synod being that very week. Even when I realized that I would be away, I wasn’t too concerned. I figured it would probably be good for me not to be in close contact with my computer – easier on the blood pressure. Since then things have occurred which make me think that if I could I would reset the date.

I have spoken to our community to reassure them that whatever happens, the world is not going to end. Whatever GS decides or whatever is going on the WWAC, we will continue to meet for worship, to proclaim the gospel, and continue in God’s service in our wider community. If anything major develops while I am gone, they are to contact the wardens who have the phone number of a person who will help explain what is going on.

Pride Parade is on Saturday. This will be my first. Usually it means an extra trip to the city and I get enough of those. However, being chaplain (of sorts) to Integrity, I have decided I really need to be a presence. I will even wear my clericals – something I avoid like the plague except for worship etc.

There are a couple of interesting things that I have found in the last couple of days. The first is from CultureChoc – Thank you Dan.

Homosexuality and the Church

The second is from a link at Thinking Anglicans.

Canadian Archbishops

I am totally in agreement with their statment but especially in agreemet with this.

“We are deeply concerned that ongoing study … will only continue to draw us away from issues which are gradually destroying God's creation – child poverty, racism, global warming, economic injustice, concern for our aboriginal brothers and sisters, and the growing disparity between the rich and the poor.”


However, on a personal note to that - I hope that if the resolutions are passed it is made clear that there is a strong theological and scriptural base for this. I also don't think that it should be expressed defensively, in reaction to what is placed in opposition. I liked this article. I can't remember whose blog I found the link on - but whoever's I did - thank you.

For freedom Christ has set you free - Holly Lyman Antolini

This article is linked from the Anglican Pages of Louie Crew. This is a good site for articles etc.

I guess that is all for now. I may blog during my holidays depending on internet access and what is going on. We'll see.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Hunger Awareness Day

Tomorrow, June 5, is Hunger Awareness Day. I will spend the majority of my morning at the New Horizons helping host a coffee house. A fair amount of my last week was spent gathering information to make an information display about hunger in Canada.

Canadian Association of Food Banks

HungerCount 2006

thINK FOOD

These were my main sources of information. The last is an interesting project that meets more than one need. I also made up a quiz that will hopefully get people to pay a little more attention to the information.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

My Rant for the month (at least I hope this is it for the month)

I am removing this post. After the meeting I had today with some of my colleagues, I believe that this is the wise thing to do. We need to move forward. I am much more hopeful now than I was when this post was made.

Genesis 2

Today we were suppose to have our outdoor service and church picnic. The weather person was forcasting good weather. Even though it is Trinity Sunday, I planned the service around a celebration of creation. Instead of a sermon I had planned a children's talk and activity.

I woke up shortly after 6am and the weather was gorgeous. By the time 8:00 rolled around I knew we were in trouble. Sure enough, it poured rain. This placed us in the church and left me minus a sermon. Fortunately I had just read a paper by Dr. Walter Deller. (This is a copy of the whole Lenten series. Walter's paper is on page 54 - or actual page 65 according to the page numbers of the complete file.) Rather than change the service at the last minute to celebrate the Trinity (although I reread Dorothy Sayers' "The Mind of the Maker" this morning just to refresh my memory), I kept the service originally planned, used part of the children's talk and expanded it using Walter's paper as the base.

Although, today, I focused on God's creation and our responsibility as part of that creation, I enjoy and value the paper as a whole because it reflects some feminist studies I have been reading lately as well as solving some issues for me. Walter is also offering a course - "Genesis: Exploring the Foundations Again" - at Christ Church in Calgary this August. I am trying to work it into my summer schedule.

For those of you who may not know - Walter is the principal of The College of Emmanuel and St. Chad (my alma mater) in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Emmanuel is the offical theological college for the Ecclesiastical Province of Rupertsland of the Anglican Church of Canada. Walter is also the Professor of Old Testament and Congregational Life. I was only able to fit one of his classes (PE 356) into my schedule when I attended Emmanuel but I thoroughly enjoyed it and Walter's teaching. I'm hoping I can work his course in this summer or that he will expand it to a full 3 credit course at the college for which I can drive in.

Survivior for Primates

I found this on Mark Harris' site, Preludium. It's Canadian so I figured I would link it here.

Canadian Primatal Election

Enjoy,
Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Lambeth 2008

I have been watching the various blog sites and reading the reactions to the ABC's invitations for Lambeth. I have to admit to being disappointed with many of the responses - basically saying that people should stay home. I certainly sympathize with those who feel that someone they support has been slighted. I would have loved it had Gene Robinson been fully invited. I would not have been pleased (not that my opinion holds any weight) had Marty Minns been invited. Even though Gene Robinson has not received a full invitation I do not echo the voices of those who say that the TEC bishops should stay home. I understand all the reasons why and I agree with most of them. But for Tec and its supporters to stay home means that certain voices will not be heard. I have grave concerns for the impact on the Anglican Communion if that happens.

Don't get me wrong. If it came down to having to abandon our GLBT brothers and sisters to stay in the AC, I would let go of it in a second with sadness but without qualm. But to not be there for a voice of possibility and hope for the future seems like abandoning GLBTs as well.

While I strongly disagree with those who speak of exclusion, I do value diversity. The recent statement from the global centre leaves me with some hope for the future of the AC. I have to admit to an ulterior motive. My hope would be that if we continue in the AC we can see a future where full inclusion will be a practice in all provinces. If we leave, or if TEC leaves, that full inclusion, if it occurs, will that much longer in coming at the expense of many throughout the AC.


Statement from Latin América and Caribbean Anglicans Bishops
Recently gathered in San José, Costa Rica, Latin America and Caribbean Anglican Bishops signed a Statement in which some of the more important points that characterize the anglican tradition were reaffirmed.
Among them I point some highlights of this Statement below:

We exhorted our Communion to preserve its partaking nature, diversified, wide and inclusive, characteristics that we consider essential to our Tradition and that constitute our main contribution to the Christian tradition.

......

At our meeting fellowship, we perceived that we defend different positions on the issues that today are discussed within our Communion. However, we also experienced our plurality and diversity like wealth and growth sources, and not as controversy and division causes.

......

We invite all our brothers and sisters in the bishopric, as well as to all the clergy members and lay people that are identified with this vision, to unite us to work indeed by the reconciliation, interdependence and unit in the diversity in our faith family, and thus to preserve the valuable legacy of which we are trustees and guardians.

This Statement constitutes in an innequivocal call to the whole Communion to overcome the intolerance and rediscover the richness of our diversity. Distinct perceptions concerning the human sexuality are not essential to define who is or not ortodox. We cannot let the fundamentalism destroy the Spirit - who is dynamic and updates every time and every generation the God's project for the world.

The Anglican Communion survival - if it still exists - will depend on our capacity of recovering the unity in the diversity. We are responsible in continue Jesus's ministry who always welcomed all people. We need remind that orthodoxy became the biggest opponent of Jesus de Nazaré and the fundamentalism condemned it!

Canadian Bishop's Pastoral Statement

Responses

Integrity Canada

Essentials Canada

I am still in the process of thinking about the bishop's statement. Of course, I don't think it goes far enough but maybe it is all we can get for now (not that I think we should settle for that).

One of the things that struck me was the statements that children should not be denied baptism because of the marital status of the parent/parents and that couples should not be denied marriage because they have been living together. Until a recent event, I hadn't realized that had been happening. To see it confirmed in the bishop's statement makes me realize how much further we have to go until we fully practice the way, the truth, and the life that is Jesus.

I really think that we need to take a good strong look at sexuality and marriage. We have made the institution of marriage the idol rather than looking at the reality that the marriage is. You want to have sex - get married! I get so frustrated with that attitude - marriage is not soley about sex. There is so much more. But that may be a topic for a different time.

The same thing is held true for the family institution. Not to mention that the child is not responsible for the parents decisions and actions.

I remain torn over a tension that in a number of ways this marks a step forward and yet in spite of that we are still so far.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Shawn

The Anglican Journal has this update on Shawn.

This issue has hurt so many people. Shawn had an amazing ministry with Saskatoon Native Ministry and with Integrity. I know that these minsitries will continue but there is certainly great loss in Shawn's lisence not being renewed as he has a way of reaching out to people with compassion and total acceptance (although not lenience) of who and what they are as children of God without trying to reform them, leaving the transformation up to God. His gift of affirming the specialness of individuals who are struggling with finding/loving themselves is strong and empowering.

Many might comment that he could have backed down and not have left these ministries. How would he do so without violence to his own soul? How could he continue to be the gifted priest he is if he continued to be restricted in his ministry to the very people he needed to serve.

Shawn has given us many gifts - I don't know how I would have survived some of my own moments of crisis without his strong friendship, support, wonderful words of wisdom, and amazing spirituality (which fortunately don't stop just because he is not lisenced). My sorrow is that the opportunity is not there for others to receive those gifts in their fulness because of our human inability to see with other than our own eyes.

If only our eyes would open to see that these relationships we refuse as a church to bless, have already been blessed by God. I think of the couples I have been blessed to know and see more of the Christian ideal present in their relationships than I see in many hetero marriages that I know. How can we be so blind to God's presence and blessing in these relationships? Even worse, how can we take note of the goodness of these relationships but, because of a few words of scripture which are written in the context of a culture's struggle to survive and define itself, deliberately close our eyes to the reality that these relationships could not be good without God's presence and blessing?

This issue is not just about Shawn. It is also about our inability to reach beyond our own need for definition and security to reach out into the chaotic world that is the continuing work of God to complete the kingdom. The gospels are clear that Jesus does not call us to the easy way but rather to a life where we are not in control - where we can give up that need for control, for certainty, to work with God in the reshaping of that chaos into the kingdom.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Updated: Shawn did an interview on CBC. Hopefully this link works.

Fuddy Duddies

Below is an essay my younger daughter wrote last summer. While there may be portions I would have worded differently, it does reflect the thoughts of many of our young people. In a few generations there will only be wonderment at how we could possibly deny that God has truly blessed a number of relationships that we as Christians have condemned. It is my children's generation and their compassion and acceptance of the love between two people who happen to be the same sex that gives me hope for the future each time I see my own generation placing barriers in the way of full acceptance.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie


Fuddy-Duddies

Have you ever met a fuddy-duddy? They’re really quite common and can be found in almost every aspect of the human life. They are people who are old-fashioned in the extreme and refuse to change their minds about opinions formed centuries before they were born. I know that a person should be compassionate and not judge anyone, but I find it extremely hard to do this with certain fuddy-duddy viewpoints. The main viewpoint of theirs that angers me most is the one on homosexuals.

In the Bible, the very first story is about the creation. It tells how on the sixth day God created humankind in his image. When God was done, he looked over all his creations and saw the they were good. God saw the heterosexuals and the homosexuals and he saw nothing wrong with either one of them. I doubt he’s changed his mind.

Traditionally, people got married so that they could start a family (or join two together). Fuddy-duddies use this as one of their reasons that homosexuals should not get married. Their reasoning is that if two people cannot have children together, they shouldn’t get married. But what about the people who can’t have children, whether they’re homosexual or not? Does this mean that they can’t get married either? What about adoption or artificial insemination? Obviously fuddy-duddies don’t take these into account.

What’s wrong with being homosexual? Nothing. As good is balanced by evil, heterosexuals are balanced by homosexuals. If straight people can get married, why can’t gay people? There isn’t a reason. Fuddy-duddies hide behind old fashioned ways of thinking because that’s the only way they can justify their pigheadedness.

It is my belief that we shouldn’t treat people any less than we would want to be treated. Whether they’re the smartest person in the world or an old man with Alzheimer’s, whether they’re a bishop or the gayest person you’ve ever met, they’re people. People deserve to be treated as people and not a bit less. They say there is equality for everyone, but how can they say this if some churches will refuse to bless same-sex marriage?

By Jay L. Marie

Virginia Tech

Today we spent some time remembering the people who died at Virginia Tech. I really debated whether place this in the service or not. It really didn't appear to make an impact on our small community. Other than the day of the shootings when a few people in a store asked me if I had heard anything about them, I really hadn't heard anything about them. So, if the people aren't struggling with it, why bring it up.

But then I realized, 33 people are dead. And we aren't talking about it, trying to deal with the shock and senselessness of it. There may be something even more wrong here. Are we becoming more and more acustomed to violence as a fact of life. Are we reaching the point, where if it doesn't touch us personally, we take note and move on with our daily lives.

So that decided me. We remembered and prayed about those victims and their families and about the gunman and his family. As we did so we remembered victims of violence worldwide. Yes, we read the list of the people who were killed in Virginia, but in our hearts and our minds, we also remembered other victims (at least I hope we did). I left the candle we lit (a candle of peace from a previous service) burning until after everyone had left the church.

Of the 33 who died, the one that really struck me was the holocaust survivor. He survived one of the human caused horrors of history only to be killed violently in a place that should have been safe. And yet, there is the fact that he died saving his students. So if he hadn't survived the holocaust, how many more would be dead today. It is here that I broke down when reading the list of names. There is so much in this one name that reflects the questions of life and purpose and God's presence. I'm still pondering it.

I am at a loss for words over this senseless violence. I worried about how we are starting to get numb when we hear about such violence. I have even caught myself just skimming over reports of death from Afghanistan rather than taking the time to reflect and pray.

So I guess part of prayers are for those of us who are fortunate enough not to be touched by these tragedies, that we don't grow distant and accepting of the violence and turmoil in the world. That we may never know the experience of senseless loss but that our hearts, thoughts, prayers, and actions may always be with those who are and that we never cease to feel compassion and are never too distant that we remain untouched.

Anglican Journal on Shawn

Here is what the Anglican Journal has written.

As well, for those of you who attended seminary with Shawn and me, here's what an old friend and colleague has to say.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

The Wolf You Feed

I found this at Susan Russell's site, An Inch at a Time.

An old story, as retold by Jim Gustafson: One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
.
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf wins?"
.
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

Living God's Blessing

Hi all,

In the package Integrity put together for Diocesan Council was a copy of a letter going around for general synod. I had posted it once before but I want to refresh people's memories. Please, if you haven't signed already, consider doing do.

Living God's Blessing

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

On the lighter side

Because I have been posting on serious matters lately, here is something to lighten things up a bit. Thanks go to Toujoursdan for the link. Bible quiz.

I took the quiz in trepidation wondering how I would feel if I got a low score - me being a priest and all that who should know her Bible. I am quite happy to announce that I got 100%. Although, I have to admit that there might have been one or two that were answered by process of elimination rather than "knowing" the right answer.

Have fun.

Rainbows on Easter Sunday

This suggestion has been made by Rainbow Presence. Wear a Rainbow.
This is the response from a few of our more orthodox brothers and sisters. There is always a danger of tarring similar people with the same brush so please note that I said "a few" not all.

I am not even going to comment. The response leaves me quite speechless.

More on Shawn

Hi Firends,

I have finally found a decent news link about Shawn. Priest Loses License.

Shawn has also given me permission to post a letter he sent around as an update.

Dear Friends,



I am writing to thank you all for the tremendous support you have given me and my family over the past few months. Ever since I went public about no longer discriminating against LGBTT folks, and being willing to bless same-sex marriages and covenants, it has been a very uncertain and stressful time. Your emails, phone calls, prayers, and good energy has helped me remember that this struggle is indeed worth it.



In January, my bishop cancelled my license to minister, and replaced it with a temporary license which expires at the end of March. It was his way of giving me time to reconsider my decision. After meeting with him again earlier this week, it became clear that I will not be recanting and he will not be renewing my license. So this means that I will no longer be able to preach or celebrate the sacraments, and that I will lose my job at Native Ministry.



I knew when I made my decision that this would be the likely outcome, but it is still a bit of a shock now that I know for sure. But it’s good that Janice and I had several months to really get used to the idea, and make some plans for what we will do come the end of March. By the way, I want to let you all know that, logistically, we are fine: Janice is working for CHEP, and though things will be a bit tight, we’re certainly not going to starve! For my part, it will be a journey into the reality of being a priest in exile...



One of the things about an act of civil disobedience is that a person usually gets their “day in court”, in which to talk about what led them to their decision, and take advantage of a public forum for the issue at hand. Because of the idiosyncrasies of the Anglican Church (eg. its odd combination of democracy and feudalism), it is highly unlikely that I will get that type of day in court.



Someone recently asked me if I had a good “communications strategy” and I almost choked on my soup. Basically, I am just not cut out to be my own publicity manager! On the other hand, I am very willing to talk about this issue in whatever context comes up, with whomever is willing to listen. Some of you have asked me about whether or not you could contact the media about this …as far as I’m concerned, my open letter and my story is public domain. It is silence which kills, not the telling of our stories.



Throughout it all, I have come to a deeper understanding of the level of hostility still directed toward the gay community. I have also come to a deeper understanding of the solidarity and goodwill among people of various social, theological, and political stripes. My hope is that this action will have some positive impact, in the church and in the wider society, toward transforming the “domination system” into a true community of rainbow people.



Again, thank you all so much for the support you have given. Prayers and good vibes are still greatly appreciated!



Yours in the deep peace of the Creator,

Shawn +

Shawn's Open Letter

Hello friends,

Some of you may have heard by now that by the end of the month Shawn will no longer be a priest in the Diocese of Saskatoon. The bishop revoked his previous license in January and issue a temporary one that is in effect until the end of March. The bishop will not be renewing that license. Shawn has kindly given me permission to post his open letter on this site so that we may all understand why he has made the decision that led to the loss of his license. Please friends, don't let Shawn's action be silenced.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CHURCH

Conversion of St. Paul, 2007

Dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ,

As you are no doubt aware, our church finds itself in a turbulent, confusing, and painful time. Many issues are involved in our current struggles: authority, hermeneutics, ethical and theological visions and convictions, and the complex relationships of gender, power, and patriarchy. Though the “presenting issue” is the place of LGBTT folk in the Body of Christ, the roots of our conflict go much deeper.

As a priest in the midst of this struggle, it has become clear to me after much prayer and soul-searching, that my spiritual conscience can no longer abide by the laws which I am required to uphold in regard to the blessing of same-sex unions and marriages. It is my conviction that our current ban on such practices is theologically problematic and fundamentally unjust. Upholding such a position (even unwillingly) forces me to bend severely (if not break) my priestly vows, my baptismal covenant, and the Word of God inscribed within my heart. I therefore publicly declare that I will, when requested, officiate at same-sex marriages and offer blessing upon committed same sex unions. I will no longer discriminate against homosexual people when it comes to the exercise of my priestly duties.

I am aware, of course, that the stance I am taking will likely lead to serious consequences, and I am prepared to face these consequences openly and publicly. It may be helpful to consider my action a form of ecclesiastical civil disobedience. With conflict and rhetoric rising in the worldwide communion, too many queer brothers and sisters are being further marginalized and excluded. In some parts of the world, this takes the form of outright violence: as I write, the coordinator of Changing Attitude (a sister organization of Integrity) in Nigeria is living under a death threat from his “fellow Christians”. Here at home, it is often a more subtle form of oppression: exclusion rendered invisible. As a priest and leader in the church, my complicity in upholding our current law makes me at least partially responsible for the ongoing suffering of LGBTT Christians, and I can no longer take part in that. If my current action helps render visible that which has been made invisible, then I will be happy to bear the consequences. I too will stand “outside the gate”, where so many other queer Christians have been sent.

To be clear, there are three main reasons for my choice of taking this stance. On one level, this is a clear issue of justice, solidarity, and human rights. On another level, this is an issue of evangelism: our church’s continuing discrimination against LGBTT people is a scandal which keeps many of my peers from being able to hear the good news of Jesus. And finally, this is an issue of personal integrity: I can no longer, in good conscience, uphold a law which I consider unjust, as well as theologically deficient.

Some might say that my actions sidestep the legitimate process of discernment underway in the church. I understand that concern, and I have wrestled long and hard over what to do, working within our established canons and structures to the best of my ability. However, I also see my current course of action as being part of the wider church’s discernment. We have heard many arguments about the cost of blessing same-sex marriages and ordaining unclosetted queer folk; we also need to recognize that there is a cost as well to not moving in this direction. The cost is a huge amount of suffering for LGBTT Christians who are pressured to remain silent. The cost is that some of us, straight and gay, will no longer be able to abide the status quo, and we will simply cease to obey an unjust law. The cost is that others will quietly leave. That reality needs to be part of our church’s discernment. In this, I am not leaving the church, nor relinquishing my orders. Instead, I offer my current action, with all its consequences, for the ongoing discernment of the Body.



Yours in the unquiet peace of Christ,

The Rev. Shawn Sanford Beck

Good News

About a year and a half ago our diocese put out a study guide on same sex relationships. At the time I was a member of Diocesan Council and received a copy of said guide. At first glance I could not read it through. I persevered and was able to read from beginning to end. I won't go into details as I realize that those who put it together did a lot of hard work and did so believing that what they did was what was right. However, there was really only one side presented (negative to the Anglican Church of Canada's resolution to affirm the integrity and sanctity of committed adult same sex relationships). The process itself was flawed as it did not include any homosexuals on the committee that prepared the document nor, to my knowledge, were any GLBT listened to when the guide was prepared.

Eventually Integrity got hold of the document. When I observed the pain in our membership I nearly cried. We met to discuss what to do. We finally decided to approach Diocesan Council and ask that the guide be rescinded basing our request on the process. The request went to Diocesan Council, a motion made and the vote was split. (A positive sign for a conservative diocese). The bishop tabled the motion and requested that Integrity prepare a response to the guide.

This past Saturday, Integrity made their response. There was a cover letter written by one of our members and edited, with permission, by another. There was a copy of the Living God's Blessing letter circulating for General Synod in June. There was a paper on Marriage, Sexuality, and Blessing (my contribution) citing Canadian Anglican sources, a wonderful paper on scripture, with some theology and social sciences thrown in and a letter from a priest in the diocese explaining why he cannot and will no longer refuse to perform same sex blessings. Each of us spoke to our part in the anthology. There was also testimony from another of our members about what a difference Integrity makes in his spiritual life and a voice of support (as well as supportive presence) from a couple that supports Integrity.

We were heard with respect and thanked for our work. The questions and comments were in the main quite supportive. A three point motion was put forward, once again requesting to have the original document rescinded. We had to leave before the discussion on the motion but we left knowing that we had been heard and we left the rest in God's hands. On the whole, we were quite positive.

Today I received an e-mail which informed us that the motion to rescind had been passed with a strong majority. I give thanks and praise to God for this marvelous outcome. I do want to say that I recognize the hard work and the honest intent of those who put the original document together and I regret any pain they may feel in its rejection. But, in all conscience, I could not just stand by and let that document stand. I give thanks for and to the many members that supported our request and praise God that we will once again have a chance have a chance to dialogue and listen.

My glass is more than half full.

A few years ago, when picking my daughter from school about 1 1/2 hours away, I got caught in a spring storm. This storm left the road slushy with a layer of ice beneath. I guess I was pushing it a bit for all of a sudden the rear of my van decided to try and make it to the city before the front and the front objected. I don't know how many circles we made but I do remember doing everything I could to get the van back in control. At one point I realized, amazingly calmly for me, that I had done all I could and I would just have deal with what happened when the van finally came to a stop. I remember trying to avoid the thought of just what the situation could be if we actually hit something or if the van rolled. But I hung on to the steering wheel and waited it out. We ended up, without rolling or crashing, in a farmer's field facing the highway. My daughter looked at me and in all seriousness said, "I don't like it here Mom. Could you please drive on the highway now." And here I thought she wanted to take the scenic and adventurous route!

I keep feeling like that with the current situation. Around and around we go, and it doesn't matter what I do, I have no control. I will have to deal with the situation when we finally land. I hate not having at least some input, some say in something that affects my future. I can only pray and hope. All sorts of images of possible futures flash through my mind - some good, some bad. But the reality is that I don't know where it will stop or how it will look.

But that's not entirely true. I do know that it will stop when GLBTQ have their relationships blessed by the church and when active homosexuals are fully accepted as deacons, priests, and deacons. My problem is that I want it NOW! This issue is not going to go away. It will come back and back again and again until there is full acceptance. Those of us who believe in the full inclusion of all of God's people will not be still or quiet and time is on our side. I take comfort in the fact that my older children reached an acceptance of homosexuality before I did, separate from my own journey. My younger daughter is already outspoken on the issue. My younger son will make up his own mind but let's face it, he hears me rant and rave about the issue enough that there is really only one possible outcome.

I would wish for change to come immediately. I doubt that it will. But I do know that it will and then it will be like slavery. We, as Christians, will look back and wonder how we could ever have treated humanbeings that way. It is this knowledge that keeps me going. It is this knowledge that gives me peace when I get a "little" over-excited about happenings in the Communion.

In the meantime, I will keep my mind on what I preached this morning. I will keep my focus on God, God's Word, and what is revealed about God's desire for all creation.

Desert Time

This week has been extremely hard on me. After looking at initial happenings at the Primates meeting, I started to hope that there might be some way forward without people such as me having to sacrifice their integrity. Recent correspondence with my bishop has left me wondering if there really is a place for me in this diocese. I don’t know how to communicate the isolation I feel out here. Basically, I am on my own.

I know that anyone in rural ministry feels this isolation but usually there are occasional gatherings they can go to in order to feel connected to their diocese. I can go to these gatherings, but I know no longer feel accepted or connected. I actually have a closer connection to the various denominations in my immediate community including Evangelical, Pentecostal, and Roman Catholic (and of course the regular suspects – Lutheran, Presbyterian, and United). These are the ones that are encouraging me to stay. These are the ones that value my gifts and ministry. The people I meet everyday on the street and in the coffee shop who have little or no connection to a church call upon me to remain as they know they have someone to turn to if that is what they need. That means a lot to them and gives them a greater sense of security knowing that someone cares with no strings attached.

I have even considered applying for a parish in a different diocese. I actually find more support in that diocese than I do here. One of the positions that is opened is calling for a priest that is me to a tee. Every point they make is something that is one of my gifts. I have spent the week wavering back and forth.

I am not sure what the final outcome of this will be. I will probably stay although it will be at great cost to me. I feel that is what God is calling me to do as much as I have ranted at God this week for something different to be my calling.

Today, during my morning Lenten meditation, I read Luke 9:18-27. As is the practice when I am doing a version of Lectio Divina, I read the scripture through 3 times. Each time I had tears running down my face. What finally stood out for me was Peter’s answer to Jesus’ query- “Who do the crowds say that I am?” Peter responds, “The Messiah of God.” A few verses later Jesus tells his disciples, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. What does it profit them if they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves?”

I know that to do anything thing other than what I am doing would be to lose myself. I have ranted and railed at a God who could allow such prejudice and blindness to the blessing in the presence of a number of people in the Church. I have even thought that if this is who God is, I have no choice but to leave and stop worshipping “him” because I can’t worship anything so destructive. I have considered leaving the Church.

The first thought that came across my mind was that I don’t believe in the God that the most conservative primates do. I believe in a loving creator. Right now, there is room in my church for me to celebrate that belief. I will remain as long as I can worship the God in which I believe.

It was after this that I did my morning meditation. The psalm was psalm 42 which appeared to express my mood quite nicely: “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.” Then I focused on the above verses from Luke.

I am still not a happy camper by any stretch of the imagination. I am still angry at God – although I realize that the actions and words of the Primates are not necessarily God’s words but what they believe God is saying just as I believe that God is saying something different. I am in hiatus until GS in June. But I do accept my cross and I will not deny the person that the loving Creator created me to be. It took me nearly 40 years to discover that person and I praise God that I did. To turn my back on that person would be to follow humans rather than God. Psalm 139 (at least the first few sections of it) speaks to me daily.

When God called me to ordained ministry I knew it wouldn’t be easy because I certainly do not fit into a more “conservative” mold. God ask me to trust God then and so I will. It is not fitting that I run at the first sign of what seems to overwhelmingly tough times ahead. I will remain. I will trust. That shall be my cross but I will shoulder it willingly for the God that lovingly created me and gave me so many gifts and blessings. I will not throw God’s gifts and blessings back in God’s face by denying who I am. That would not honour God.

Proud to be a Canadian Anglican

The following is from the Anglican Journal.

"Archbishop Andrew Hutchison, primate of the Anglican Church of Canada, has lamented that while he and other primates currently meeting in Tanzania have seen stark images of poverty in the capital Dar Es Salaam their discussions will not focus on improving the lives of the poor but on divisions over human sexuality.
“I am going to a meeting with a gospel of hope and a preferential option for the poor and we are debating who is in and whom we are going to keep out,” said Archbishop Hutchison in a blog, or Internet diary entry, to young Canadian Anglicans at www.generation.anglican.ca.

Archbishop Hutchison, meanwhile, wrote in his blog that he has been praying “that we can truly listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying to the church.” He said: “I believe in an inclusive church that has its doors open to all and that accepts and welcomes people regardless of the human definitions that we may place upon them – male/female, white/black, gay/straight … We run the danger of making the church a club for like-minded people rather than a place of refuge for the sinner and hope for the hurt and vulnerable.”

Archbishop Hutchison said his realization that the church was becoming out of sync with the realities of the world occurred to him during the drive to the conference centre, a beachfront hotel located an hour away from the Dar es Salaam airport.
“Despite being tired my eyes were wide open as we drove over dusty unkempt roads and through a sea of thousands upon thousands of people. Most were standing beside the road looking desperate and without hope,” he wrote. “Adults and children intermingled and behind them were some of the most dilapidated shacks that I had ever seen. For many these are the only houses they will ever know.”

Archbishop Hutchison’s lament echoes one by Archbishop Robin Eames, the newly-retired primate of the Church of Ireland, who also led the Lambeth Commission.
Interviewed by The Tablet, a Roman Catholic magazine, Archbishop Eames expressed disappointment at the way leaders of various factions in the Anglican Communion have behaved towards each other. “I have an image of a matchstick child starving in Africa and here are these robed figures going past arguing, and they don’t see the child looking for a bite to eat.”

I have always thought highly of ++Ted Scott and ++Michael Peers. With these comments ++Andrew Hutchison also gains my high respect. These are the true issues with which the Church should grapple. That would be working for the kin-dom not this constantly bickering over right belief and who is in or out (Both issues are ones of which God is the true judge, not humans. As humans we can only pray that we are acting true to God's desire. Since the gospel is one of love, I would think it pays us to err on the side of love.)

A Little Nagging Concern

Although I am somewhat optimistic about the WWAC after the release of the sub-committee’s report on TEC’s reflections and efforts on the Windsor Report, I am left with a little sense of something nagging at me. I’m not even sure if I can put it into words.

Of course, I’m not a great one for fully understanding phrasing and implications of reports so I may be misreading things. My sense, as I read the report and responses to it, is that it may be okay to leave TEC in the WWAC because it has decided not to move forward on the issue of human sexuality. Don’t get me wrong – I really am not an all or nothing type of person. I deal with compromises every day of my life. I am concerned, though, about the possible idea that the only way to stay in the WWAC is to stop forward movement on a matter of justice and human rights. I realize that putting it that way is moving out of the realm of concern for a number of people who think the matter is only scriptural in base and then point to the only relevant scriptures being less than ten texts rather than the Bible as a whole. As far as moral grounds, what is moral about ignoring matters of justice and human rights due to the fact that one perceives they are against a small number of texts of scripture when the a look at the Bible as a whole appears to negate the more traditional understandings of those texts?

Martin Luther King’s letter from the Birmingham jail keeps running through my mind.

“I must make two honest confessions to you, my Christian and Jewish brothers. First, I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Councilor or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection. …

Actually, we who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive. We bring it out in the open, where it can be seen and dealt with. Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with an its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured. …

I had also hoped that the white moderate would reject the myth concerning time in relation to the struggle for freedom. I have just received a letter from a white brother in Texas. He writes: "An Christians know that the colored people will receive equal rights eventually, but it is possible that you are in too great a religious hurry. It has taken Christianity almost two thousand years to accomplish what it has. The teachings of Christ take time to come to earth." Such an attitude stems from a tragic misconception of time, from the strangely rational notion that there is something in the very flow of time that will inevitably cure all ills. Actually, time itself is neutral; it can be used either destructively or constructively. More and more I feel that the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than have the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to be co-workers with God, and without this 'hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right.”

I guess that I was one of the few people in the Anglican Church of Canada that felt a small pang of regret when we reached a settlement on the residential school issue. It wasn’t that I really wanted the church as we knew to be dissolved, but it was the possibilities that existed if we did indeed need to rise out of the ashes. What shape would that church take based on lessons learned from the past? I knew it wouldn’t be easy but we also wouldn’t be clinging to the things that made teaching and acting the gospel of love so difficult to do. I didn’t want to throw out the baby with the bath water, but there was a wonderful opportunity to reflect on what being a church really meant and what did we as Anglicans in Canada really want to do as a church.

As I listen to early reflections on the sub-committee’s report, it all seems to uphold the status quo. And for me, as for many of our gay brothers and sisters, the status quo is not acceptable. Where is the justice in maintaining the status quo that would see these brothers and sisters as not fully a part of our church. Although they are welcomed in the doors and at the communion table – both major signs of acceptance – they are not fully welcomed as long as there are aspects of our faith life from which they are barred. As long as we deny them the right to having their marriages blessed or to be ordained while in an active relationship (that is blessed by the church), we are not welcoming them fully into the church.

I applaud TEC’s attempts to respond to the Windsor Report while trying to maintain integrity with their own understanding of how the Spirit is moving them (and others) forward on the issue of human sexuality but it could come at the expense of a number of people and it is that which concerns me.

I end up in a tension. I want dearly for my gay friends to be fully accepted into the life of the church for I see God at work in their lives and God’s blessing in their relationships. But it is hard to move forward out of the wreckage of a past. I do value the WWAC and I do want to be a member for it, in many ways, facilitates carrying out Jesus’ commandment and commission to us all. But to do so at the expense of many that I have come to know and love calls into question what is more important. I remain torn but I have to admit that if I had to choose between maintaining the status quo and moving forward to create a more inclusive church the latter would take precedent.


Of course I need to remind myself that all this is pure speculation and that I am not aware of all that is happening. I do continue to pray.

Living God's Blessing

There is an open letter to General Synod. So far there are not many signatures from the prairies. I'm hoping that it's due to the fact it hasn't circulated much on the prairies yet.

Living God's Blessing

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

++Katharine Jefferts Shori

Susan Russel has a post on a recent talk given by Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori. I thought it was interesting because it resonates with what I posted on Justice or Gospel.

Episcopal Urban Caucus

"She rejected out of hand the misapprehension that we have to choose between the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. "I do not believe God has any patience with those who insist we must choose between evangelism and social justice. One cannot love God and our neghbor without doing both," she said. "Scripture tells us that we cannot love God who we don't see if we don't love our neighbors who we do."

I used this quote in a sermon on Sunday.

Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie

PS. I'm finally starting to get the sense of the link thingy. I'm not completely there yet but it is coming. And I haven't even had to get my computer whiz son to help me. I'm getting better with age - 47 years, 1 week and counting.

Prayers

I was just at Mad Priest's blog. He's posted this and I thought it worked well for praying and meditating on what is happening in Tanzania.

What the world needs now.

Love and Prayers,
Amie

Tanzania

After much thought and reflection, I have decided not to worry about the meeting Tanzania. Nor will I fear whatever outcome may happen. The reason - because I know through experience that God is present in all things and even when things appear horribly wrong, God is working creatively to bring about a better world. As much as humans may work to hinder that creativeness, God is stronger and gets ever more creative. So, I place my trust in God.

Even if things don't go the way I pray they will, I know that little in my life and ministry will change. I will serve God in the bringing about of God's reign. Nothing humans decide or act upon can change that. If I cannot reach out to those in need in one way, another way will be created.

Sometimes I wonder why we are all so afraid of the Anglican Communion breaking up. Don't get me wrong. I don't wish or pray for - to the contrary. But if something is disfunctional, if something actually hinders us working to bring in God's reign then it may be time to take another look at it. If remaining a part of or keeping together the Anglican Communion becomes our over-riding goal then we have made an idol out of the WWAC. We have placed being right or being a member over and above God. We have placed something of human construction above God's continued work of creation.

Maybe part of the reason I refuse to be concerned is that it is all so remote. It is all being decided by a handful of people that I refuse to give the right to determine my life and my ministry. That I leave to God alone. Any who know me, know that I have a real problem with authority. I don't like exercising my own authroity (hence the lack of collar and title). But even more, I have a great reluctance to bow to someone else making decisions for me that bind me to certain actions. It is not that I mind someone talking to me and making requests, but as my long-suffering mother will tell you, I rebel at being told what to do. So maybe part of the reason is that whatever the decision, I will make my own choices as to the final affect on my own ministry. I will not do so willy-nilly but with prayer and consultation but in the end the decisions will be mine to make and I will face whatever consequences there may be to face. On the other hand, I will celebrate whatever blessings will occur as well.

One final word. I was on Thinking Anglicans and saw once again the phrase that TEC decided to walk apart a long time ago. My temper rose a bit at that one - about as much as when people accuse me of not reading or following the scriptures, or not being a Christian. TEC did not decide to walk apart. They have done what they have done because they sincerely believe that it is what the Spirit is calling them to do. They may be right, they may be wrong (although let's be honest - I fully support their decision vis-a-vis Gene Robinson, just as I fully support New West's decision to bless same sex relationships). They are willing to face the consequences of their actions and they do so sincerely believing those actions are God's will. Just because some may disagree with them does not mean they have chosen to walk apart or that they are apostate. Love of God and a willingness to serve God fully is at the centre of their actions. I believe that just as I believe the same of those who chose not to follow the path that TEC has chosen. I may not agree with the latter but I would not say that they have chosen to walk apart nor would I say that they are not following God for I know that they are sincere and that they truly believe they are doing God's will. I only wish they would accord the same respect to me for love of God and a desire to serve God are truly at the centre of everything I believe or do. I realize I started the paragraph speaking about TEC and then ended speaking about myself. I know that I am not a part of TEC but I do share some things with them and it is those things that bring about the accusation of "chosing to walk apart".

Father Matthew

How can you tell it is sort of my day off. I am enjoying a few minutes to leisurely browse through all my favourite blogs before I have some scheduled tasks. This link is from Elizabeth Keaton's site - "Telling Secrets." I thought he had good stuff to say and so (now that I am getting so good at the linky thing) I am posting it here.

Father Matthew

Personal DNA

I was just over at Culture Choc and noticed a link to this online quiz. Since I have just figured out the linky thing, I'm going to practice it again.

Personal DNA

I am a Benevolent Creator. I hope that's a step up from a benevolent despot :)

If you have a few minutes try this quiz. I enjoy these things just for the insights they give to my character. I may not agree with everything they say but they do make me stop and take another look. Besides which, I don't take them seriously so I find them fun and interesting - sort of along the lines of "okay which answer gave that result."

Listening

Hi all,

I found this link at Jim Naughton's blog. Although I have moved past where Josh is, I can certainly understand his struggles. I keep reminding myself that it took me 20 some years to come to the understanding I now hold. His story reminds me to have patience and acceptance with those who are other spaces on their journey.

Here it is.

Sorry about the link thing. When I get back from visiting I will attempt to do it right.

Update: I think I fixed the link thing. This is a tough learning process for a technologically impaired person like me.

Poetry of Jay L. Marie

The following are poems my younger daughter has written. I have her permission to post them here.

Invisible

Surrounded by people,
a writhering, rushing mass.
They're all in a rush
they all have someplace to be.
They don't seem to see each other,
they don't see me.

Standing among them,
I'm an aimless girl without a goal.
I'm invisible,
I can't be seen.
I blend in so well,
I can't even see myself.

Screaming, crying, hurting,
a girl stands across from me.
She pleads with her eyes,
she can't stand the pain.
She's crying,
she doesn't know how to stop.

No one sees her
she's the hidden me.
I wish I could go to her,
soothe her pain.
But if I do,
I'll lose my invisibility.

Jay L. Marie

This next one makes me cry because it was written at my ordination.

Sitting
waiting patiently
preventing my tears
from flowing ceaselessly.

Swelling with pride
overwhelmed by your
mountain of accomplishments.

I'll follow you,
using your love as my guide,
I won't get lost,
you won't let that happen.

So I sit, patiently being proud,
overwhelmed and filled with love.

Jay L. Marie

A Dark Night
It is a dark night in december,
with no moonlight bright.
No stars to shine down and bless the morn.
So may things to believe, and yet not.
So many things to trust in and yet not.

Not even a bit of fire to light up the gloom.
And yet I stand here in the never-ending blackness,
waiting to be let into the warmth
so I can say the truth.
Yet the door remains closed,
though the icicles are begining to form.

Jay L. Marie